Thoughts on Conversations: How to Talk to People as a newbie

How to get started with talking to people

Hey guys ! I have been thinking a few random thoughts on "conversations" recently, and I feel having them penned down will help me think through them better.

So here are a few tips from a nerd turned person who can talk to people :

1. People overestimate the permanence of conversations

People who don't have experience with conversations treat every conversation as a "scarcity". It's important to convert that mindset of "scarcity" of conversations to "plenty". The average person has several conversations throughout the day, and they don't remember every moment.

Anything awkward which was said or done is generally quickly forgotten through the day or the week. So feel free to be open about your true self rather than trying to put on a persona or being fake.

Because of the impermanence of most conversations, you can also take it up as a chance of experimenting with different styles, and maybe even trying to get to know the other person better.

2. People remember how you made them feel, not what you said

This ties in well with the previous point. Even if you have the relative leeway of being open in conversations, it doesn't mean that you have to be rude or hurt the other person's feelings. You have to be empathetic of what the other person feels based on what you say.

Because of the relative impermanence of conversations, you still have the freedom of expressing yourself. However, you should be wary of what the other person feels, and try maintain an overall positive tone for the conversation.

3. Not Everything is About You

This mostly applies to those people who don't have experience with conversations. If certain things are said in a conversation or a point is put forth, people feel that the point was directed towards them.

Eg, if Person A and B are talking, Person A says, "Activity K is so weird, I don't to that. I do B instead.". In this case, if B is inexperienced or insecure, he may feel, "A says K is weird. I prefer K. Hence, I am weird". But, this is just not the case. Just because a person thinks negatively, or speaks negatively, about something, it doesn't necessarily apply to you.

This is something that I struggled a lot with as a teenager, but slowly got better dealing with.

4. Learn from your Mistakes

This point ties in well with the first point that I had made. Because of the surfeit quantity of conversations and their impermanence, treat each conversation as its own challenge. Practise various conversational techniques and try out what works best for you.

In case something doesn't work, you try something else. If it does, you just added another conversational technique to your arsenal. By having this mindset, you'll become a better conversationalist in no time.

If you read the article this far, thanks for taking the time out to read this ! These are just my thoughts and anyone else can feel free to contradict, expand upon or discuss them with me :)

It's highly that I'll expand on these thoughts in further articles so feel free to subscribe.